BuLOnG

And umm… suddenly there are two different colors appearing infront of the mask that you’ve put on lately: One was boring white, and the other, pretty red. It was the pretty red that caught my eye but got me into thinking: Was I ready to see the demon beneath it?

You’re too noisy

Tapping fingers on my desk

Shout at the top of your lungs

Move like nothing’s on your way

You’re too loud

Bossy around people of your age

Act like you ain’t got nothing to lose

Fuck the miniature love they offer

You’re too serious

Won’t go nowhere with that attitude

There’s no seriousness in you

You’re the laughing stock of the band

You’re too flirty

Walk like innocent and cool

Talk like dirt is all your food

Keep on playing like a fool

You’re too lovely

Like the morning after a party

Throbbing head from getting drunk

Pissed on legs from dancing wild

You’re too nervous

Wants to blend when you stand out

Stand out when you need to blend

Find your sweater, it’s getting cold.

– For Henney… cheers!

God made them all

Who made them all?

The birds and the trees

The flowers and the bees

The moon up above

That we call love

 

And the sun so bright

That gives us light

All these things

Big and small
 

God made them all

—————

A grade 1 poem. Learnt at Montessori Child Learning Center, Proj. 6 in 1985.

kung may makukulong akong konting saya
magbabata ako ng sakit sa malayong lugar
mag-iipon ako ng pera at hindi lilingon sa pinanggalingan
hangga’t hindi ko nakukuha ang lahat ng kinakailangan

kung may makukulong akong konting saya
kapiranggot lang ang dadalhin ko sa aking bulsa
para ‘di agad maubos ang tangi kong dahilan
na kayanin lahat ng hirap sa’king kinalalagyan

kung may makukulong akong konting saya
hindi ko aninag ang bagsak ng luha
magbuhos man ako ng dugo sa batya
mamamatay ako ng may kislap sa mata

1
cheng:  okay pictures natin nung high school, parang fresh na fresh
anne: oo, yun nga lang ang picture kong maganda pa balat ko e
cheng:  yun kasi yung mga times na homeworks at exams lang ang pinoproblema natin e
anne: oo pero akala natin pasan na natin ang mundo

2
cheng:  grabe anne! buti tumawag ka
anne: bakit?
cheng:  kasi ngayon ko lang magagamit yung boses ko ngayong weekend e
 

3
cheng:  tumawag si josh kanina from korea e, kinuwento ko sa kanya yung takbo ko
anne: o tapos…
cheng:  sabi ko, takbo lang ako ng takbo, baka sakaling makarating ako ng korea…
…kaso lang hindi rin e kasi paikot yung track; dito pa rin ang uwi ko

4
anne: natapos mo na ba yung section na kailangan jan sa finance class mo?
cheng:  oo, sus di ko naman maintindihan yung stocks
anne: pero ituturo ba yan sa inyo?
cheng:  hindi ko alam. basta basa nalang ng basa

5
anne: hay naku cheng, ang mahal ng gasolina ngayon, sobrang nahihirapan ako ha…
cheng: i know! sobrang nagtitipid nga ako ngayon e, kaya eto, dito ako sa liwanag ng araw nagbabasa ng dyaryo para hindi gumamit ng kuryente
anne: ang tanda na natin, iniisip na natin ‘to…

6
anne: ano na ginagawa mo?
cheng:  hay naku, binabasa ko pa rin ‘tong newspaper
anne: ano ba yan?! hapon na nasa dyaryo ka parin
cheng:  anne, mahal ang dyaryo, sayang kaya kailangan basahin lahat
anne: o sige, gawin mo habang may araw pa, di na pwede mamaya at gagamit ka na ng ilaw.

7
cheng:  anne, anong mas mahal, gumamit ng electric fan o ng airconditioner?
anne: di ba aircon kasi mataas ang horsepower na ginagamit
cheng:  galing! ganda ng sagot!
anne: ay, ano ba ‘to, joke ba ‘to?

8
 anne: cheng, alam mo yung easy-to-open-can na corned beef?
cheng:  oo, bakit? 
anne: hindi cya easy…

9
cheng:  anne, teka tatawagan nalang kita ulit!
anne: o, bakit?
cheng:   kasi palubog na yung araw, may 6 pages pa akong tatapusin sa libro
 
10
anne: cheng naalala mo ba yung kinuwento ko sa’yo tungkol sa … (yada yada!)
cheng: shucks! kelan ‘to?! di ko na matandaan!
anne: di ba, last year, bago ako bumalik ng pinas…
cheng: naku naman, tanungin mo pako ng last year, e yung kinain ko nga kagabi di ko matandaan

It’s defied the purpose of living
They say "no man is an island"
But why is there no mortal sin
For feeling fine, I’m at highland.

Breaking up is a hard part of life
In my case, the breath that invites
But is this air, or a sweet killing knife
Or fire waiting to ignite

I sit and I look around
And see the world go round
It doesn’t stop to let me in
It passed me by, no song to sing

Now do I need to go back?
Will it be you, still soot black?
Suffocation will attack
I won’t care, I’ll love again.

sa nararamdaman ko ngayon
mahirap magsalita kung ano’ng gusto ko
masakit mang damhin, kakayanin ko
na mawala ka sa’kin kaysa kasama ka’t lito

may halakhak pa ba’ng maririnig
pagkalipas ng pagkakalayo
may paraan pa kayang umidlip
ang di mapalagay na kalooban ko

sa pagpatay ko ng ilaw sa kapag gabi
tila malaking dagok sa aking dibdib
yaong maalalang wala ka sa aking tabi
at malaya na’ng maghanap ng makakapalit

gusto kong bumalik sa mga yakap mo
pero sumusuko rin naman ang aking puso
mahirap sumabay sa mga iniisip mong
hinding hindi naman magkakatotoo

hindi ko mapipilit na ika’y magtiwala
sumasayaw ang damdamin sa tugtog ng tadhana
mali lang ang tyempo ng aking pagsabay
at wala ring silbing tumuloy sa’yong buhay

hindi ko ginustong masaktan kita
bagkus ginawang lahat nang maiwasan yan
di lang umangkop sa atin ang oras
para lumago ang ating kilanlan

kumusta ka na kaya, nagdurusa ka rin ba
naiisip mo ba ako gayong tayo’y wala na
naninikip na dibdib lang ang siyang kapiling ko
ngunit walang karapatang sayo’y magsumamo

tingin mo ba’y may pag-asang makabalik ako sa’yo
kung sa pangalawang pagkakataon nati’y ni walang nagbago
ano’ng pangako ang dala ng panahong parating
kung kinitil na ang pag-asa kong ika’y mahalin

wag mo sanang isipan ito ng masama
hangad kong makamit mo ang iyong ligaya
minsan masakit lang talagang tanggapin
na ang saya mo’y di manggagaling sa akin

marahil ay di lang talaga ako ang sa’yo
at siguro sa iba’y mahahanap mo ‘to
paumanhin muna sa aking mga ikinikilos
nasaktan kaya’t umaagos ang mga luha ko

I have a friend, Gary Catledge, whom I work
with at the Bureau of Land Management here in Sacramento. He is a
64-year-old man that took an English class in 2004. Since he knows that
I came from the Philippines, he thought it a good idea to share his thesis about
his visit to the Philippines with me.

Of course, I got all excited
because this is the first time I am going to actually read something
about my country that’s experienced first-hand by someone I actually
talk to. I was like, Okay, let’s see what you got to say…

At
first, I thought it was hilarious, but then as I progress down the
paper, I feel like my heart is lightly stabbed after each sentence I finish.
Not because he offended me, but because of my kababayans. Well, since
this is
based on his experience, these are all true. I believe he wrote this
with honesty and with no intent to offend. It was just his experience.
That’s all. But, still, being a native of this country, dang! was I
hurt!

What hurt me most is that some of the people described in
his paper are Filipinos (the Philippine Customs people) that initiate
the discrimination against their own (or probably patronization of
foreigners especially white Americans). DEYUM!
They can really make the Philippines look SSSSOOOO bad! Why do we do
this to ourselves?

I have so much more insights and comments
about my country and my people (especially the Customs people!)  but
I’ll get into that next time. Anyways, here’s his outline and paper.

**All
that you see in black hereon are his works. All words (spelled correctly or not)
are his. All apostrophes and periods and lack thereof are his works.

Gary Catledge
English 103
Mr. Mayo
11 May 2004

FILIPINO CULTURE THROUGH MY EYES

Thesis: I married a Filipino lady and now I need to learn her culture.

I.  Trip to meet her family.

a.  Preparing for the trip.
b.  Getting off the airplane in Manila.
c.  Airfare for the wife’s sister and cousin to Mindanao.
d.  Family made sure I was safe from kidnapers.
e.  Big change in lifestyles.

II.  Back to Manila to rest.

a.  Tour around Manila.
b.  Poverty was overwhelming.

III.  Tagaytay, the Eden of the Philippines.

a.  A mountain overlooking Taal Lake.
b.  I could retire here.

IV.  Trip to Baguio.

a.  A favorite place for American’s to retire.
b.  Mountainous country with cool weather.
c.  The natives were smaller.

V.  More corruption in the airport.

a.  Don’t give all your Peso’s away until you get on the airplane.
b.  Three more security checks before getting on the airplane.

VI.  After all of this, there is customs.

a.  Was I treated differently because I was a white American?
b.  This experience was better than the Philippines airports.

Gary Catledge
English 103
Mr. Mayo
11 May 2004

 

   

      

FILIPINO CULTURE THROUGH MY EYES

      

   

    I married a Filipino lady, and now I need to learn her culture. Taking the time to learn her culture was not something I thought about until after the fact. Now when I enter our house, I need to take off my shoes. I’m not allowed to put both hands behind my head in a relaxing manor because it brings bad luck. It was easy to see that I needed to learn more about the Filipino Culture. The best way to learn a country’s culture is to go to the country. I sat down with my wife, and we planned a trip to meet her parents.

    The trip to meet the family was set for December. I just had to purchase airline tickets and pack our clothes. We needed eight suitcases because there was my wife and I, and my wife’s two daughters making the trip. We were going to stay for four weeks; therefore, it made sense to take all those clothes. Did I say we were going in December? Oh yes, that means Christmas presents for everyone. Five of the suitcases were used for the presents, and besides buying all the presents, I was to pay for my wife’s sister and nephew to fly from Manila to Cagayan De Oro where we would meet her family. Do you see what’s happening here? We were going to give away five suitcases worth of presents, and then we would have to buy enough clothes and presents for our friends and family back home.

    The trip in the airplane took sixteen hours. We were tired and sore when we got off the airplane in Manila. We stopped at customs and showed our passports. Everything seemed like it was going well until we went to pick up our luggage. That’s when all hell broke loose. All those men were grabbing the luggage, and we had to let them know which pieces belonged to us. Finally, once all the luggage receipts matched, the luggage was loaded onto three small carts. This also meant we needed three men to push the carts. Thank God, a friend met us at the airport or we would have needed three taxi’s. When we got to the van, I had to tip the three men, but there were six standing there with their hands out. I paid in U S Dollars. You can probably guess that I didn’t have any small bills. I’m not sure how much it cost me to learn that lesson, but I’m sure that I will be prepared next time.

    It took our friends car plus a hired van to get everyone including the luggage to my wife’s home in Manila. We stopped there just to sort out the luggage for our trip to Mindanao. We only needed one weeks worth of clothes along with all the presents for this part of the trip. We left most of our clothes at the house and went back to the airport to catch the airplane to Mindanao. I was very nervous because this is where the Americans were being kidnapped. ("Abu Sayyaf head nabbed in Southern Philippines." N. A. Community CountryWire, 4/13/2004: (ANCX2004104H8695)).

    We landed in a town called Cagayan De Oro. This was a small airport so the corruption was at a smaller scale; however, I was prepared this time. We walked out of the airport, and there they were. The whole family came to meet us. There must have been twenty men, women, and children; they all came. It was a great welcome. The family assured me that I was safe and that they would protect me while I was there. We loaded all the luggage and people into three vans, and headed to Impasun-ong where the family lived.

    We stayed at a cousin’s house, which turned out to be the best home of all the relatives. The house was made out of cement and had tile floors. There was no paint or other decorations in the house, but it was clean and warm. The bathroom had a bidet, you couldn’t sit down and rest, but your legs became strong because you could only squat. There was a tub with water next to the bidet. It was used for flushing the toilet and taking a cold shower. Oh yes, I said shower. You dip a pan into the cold water, and then pour it over yourself. If you think that’s easy, try it sometime. I yelled my first time; it felt like I was being tortured. The family felt sorry for me and warmed the water before I was to take my shower each morning.

    The biggest change in lifestyle for me was the way most of the meals were cooked outside, like they were barbequing every day. The first day they roasted a pig. I saw them prepare the pig by placing a bamboo through the body, then they poured hot water over the pig to scrape the hair off of the skin, and then I saw how they turned it by hand like a rotisserie. I didn’t eat the pig; in fact, I had a hard time eating any Filipino food. What saved me were the eggs served for the morning meal, and the fish lady that came by every day. I’m not sure what kind of fish I was buying, but I knew it came from the ocean. By the way, I didn’t lose any weight while I was in the Philippines.

    After an extended stay with the family, we headed back to Manila so that we could rest before continuing our trip. This time we stayed at a nice five star hotel where we could be pampered. There were armed guards at the hotel and the shopping centers. When I say armed, I mean they had machine guns. When we entered the hotel, we went though a metal detector. My bags were never checked but my wife and daughters were. It was like they knew who was paying the bill and didn’t want to offend me. When I went to the front desk to register, they said I couldn’t register at the main lobby, and sent me to the 5th floor where we were treated like royalty from the time we entered the hotel to the time we left.

    The hotel was nice but I needed to see some culture. We went on a tour of the city using a tour guide. First, we went to what was one of the oldest churches in Manila. (Villalon, Fobella. "Baroque Churches of the Philippines." UNESCO Courier, 00415278, Nov96, Vol. 49, issue 11). There was a large organ made of bamboo that the Priest played for us. We made some donations and went on our way. About one mile from the church is the Jeepney factory. (Rowe, Jonathan. "Jeepneys are a commuter’s dream." Christian Science Monitor 21 Feb. 2002, Vol. 94, issue 61, p.11, Op, 1bw: (AN 6150758). There are eleven million people in Manila and the main mode of transportation is by Jeepney and bus. They are powered by diesel fuel and the pollution is not bearable for someone not accustomed to the smell.

    Our next and final stop for the day was a tour of Fort Santiago which turned out to be the most interesting. Fort Santiago is a large compound that was used as a prison during earlier times. It still has the buildings that you can see from the outside. You can see the dungeons where the prisoners were placed when they were bad. The setting is next to a river that feeds into the ocean. When the tides came in, the dungeons fill up with water, and the prisoners that were in them drowned. (Dolan, Ronald E. Philippines a country study, Research Division, Library of Congress: 4th ed. 1993).

    Poverty was everywhere. During our tour of Manila we went by areas along the roadway or freeway that had houses built out of cardboard and were stacked on top of each other. Area shops couldn’t make change for large bills of 1000 Peso’s which is approximately $20 American. Children were in the middle of the streets selling small items like a piece of cloth to wipe your forehead, newspapers, one cigarette, or different types of food items just to survive. The only way I was able to get over all the poverty was to realize that this is their way of life. They don’t even know that they live in poverty.

    I needed to get out of Manila so we took a day trip to Tagaytay. This turned out to be the Eden of the Philippines for me. This setting starts on a mountain top. All of a sudden, you can see Taal volcano over the horizon. (Bangs, Richard. "Taal Tales." World of I Nov93, Vol. 8, issue 11, pg 176, Bp, ioc; (AN 9403212922)). Then when you start down the other side of the mountain, you realize that there is a lake with the Taal Volcano in the middle of the lake. The scenery was outstanding. I knew that if I moved to this country, it would have to be to Tagaytay. I could retire here. I even checked land prices just in case I could talk my wife into moving there.

    We had planned on visiting Baguio where we heard most Americans preferred to retire, but after Tayaytay I wasn’t sure if I wanted to take the time. But, since it was part of the original plan, we decided to go on to Baguio. This is a mountainous country where the houses need to be built on steep mountain sides.  The climate alone could be a good reason to retire here, but I had already found my Eden in Tagaytay. ("Fast facts about the Philippines." Reading Today Oct/Nov2003, Vol. 21, issue 2, p 40, 1/5p: (AN 1106211)). There are shopping centeres, restaurants, and recreation areas like America. Still, it takes too long to get to Baguio from Manila, and that the main reason that I wouldn’t want to live here. It takes 6 two 8 hours to drive from Manila to Baguio depending on traffic. You may never get any visitors from the United States if they need to fly for 16 hours and then have to drive 6 to 8 additional hours to see you.

    The natives seem smaller to me than other Filipino’s in the lower country side. We saw some dressed in their native attire, and they let us take pictures with them for $1 each. They allowed us to wear their headdresses for the picture taking.  The native houses are called Nipa Houses and are made of bamboo and grass. (Dolan, Ronald E. Philippines a country study, Research Division, Library of Congress; 4th ed. 1993)).

    This was a very nice trip; we saw how farmers did their farming, how they sold their goods along the roadway, and how they marketed the goods in the small towns. We saw where the air force base was destroyed by a volcano along with thousands of acres of land. We saw a simple people enjoying life.

    Then it was time to go home to the United States and what did we find at the airport but more corruption.  Unlike the United States, you have to pay a terminal tax that is not part of your ticket price. Save enough Peso’s to pay this fee, or you might find yourself barrowing back the Peso’s you gave your friends thinking that you didn’t need them anymore. The next ordeal is when you enter the terminal to go to the airplane. There are three security checks. to go through. The first one is to check to make sure you paid the terminal tax. The second one is to have your carryon luggage checked. And the third one is to have your carron luggage checked again so that you can go into the waiting area before boarding the airplane.

    After all of this, we had customs to deal with when we landed in the United States. When we got off the airplane, we stood in line to go through customs. The Custom Officer called me to a special line where he asks my wife and me about one of our packages. Remember, there are multiple pieces of luggage. The Custom Officer checked one suitcase and found some Filipino Lemons, made a joke about us being from California, and passed us through. We were way ahead of everyone else.  My daughters had to wait in line with the other luggage, some of it was mine. I had to go over to them when they got to the Customs Officers and let them know they were with me, and some of the luggage they had belonged to me. The experience through the U S Customs was better than the Philippines airport with all their corruption

    I really did enjoy this trip to the Philippines. I recommend that everyone try to visit a third world country, and then they can appreciate what we have here in the United States.

Works Cited

"Abu Sayyaf head nabbed in Southern Philippines." N. A. Community CountryWire,

4/13/2004: (ANCX2004104H8695).

Bangs, Richard. "Taal Tales." World of I Nov93, Vol. 8, issue 11, pg 176, Bp, ioc;

(AN 9403212922).

Dolan, Richard E. Philippines a country study, Research Division, Library of Congress;

4th ed.1993, p 19.

Dolan, Richard E. Philippines a country study, Research Division, Library of Congress;

4th ed.1993, p 93.

"Fast facts about the Philippines." Reading Today,

Oct/Nov 2003, Vol. 21, issue 2, p40, 1/5p; (AN 11062411).

Rowe, Jonathan. "Jeepneys are a commuter’s dream" Christian Science Monitor,

21 Feb. 2002, Vol. 94, issue 61, p11, Op, 1bw; (AN 6150758).

Villalon, Fabella. "Baroque Churches of the Philippines." UNESCO Courier,

00415278, Nov96, Vol. 49, issue 11.

**Gary
is a kind-hearted person that can speak his mind if he wants to. He
never steps on someone’s soul intentionally. I’ve worked with this guy
for 3 days (and counting). - Meg

**Gary agreed that I share his paper online and I thank him for letting me.

it’s well-accounted for
you’re hurt long before
i came into your life
it’s hard and i won’t lie

but you’re unforgettable
and so irresistible
so i took the chance and tried
even though it’s suicide

now i know my love is not
enough to get us up
i need you here with me
so leave the past, oh please

but only time can let you do that
spare us both from pain and the bad
so i’ll let you go as friend
hoping our paths would cross again

my feelings overflow
it’s drowning me slow
love feels like pain
can’t hang on in there

you know exactly how to
but i know and you know
that you can’t (not with me)
no, not now

coz only time can let you do that
spare us both from pain and the bad
so i’ll let you go as friend
hoping our paths would cross again

oh i love you, you know i do
but the next time i say this to you
don’t say "Okay, thank you"
say i love you too

ASAN NA YUNG EARRINGS KO!!!!

HUHUHUHUHU…

Have you seen these earrings?